a second chance..

Dengan nama Allah, Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang. Assalamualaikum wrbth. i would like to share a true story that happened to me. Please take some of these that i am going to tell as pengajarans or lessons to me myself, and to you who are reading. Wednesday morning, i lost my wallet in a mashrut( mashrut is like a van, where many peope share money for one trip, like rm 1 for a trip, senang cerita kereta sewa la kan.) then, after i lost my wallet, i thought to my self '' mungkin ni ujian dari-Nya, mungkin ini apa yang Tuhan takdirkan untuk mengampuni dosaku yg bertimbun2 banyaknya'' i decided not to be stressed, and decided to go on..

noon.. as i was having my russian class, i felt weak, VERY weak. i decided to put my heavy head on the table. igtkan nk letak sekejaaaappp je kepala atas meja, when i let my head lie on the table. After that, i lost control of myself.. i was too weak to wake up* atau dengan kata lain.. bajet* hehe. anywho.. mmg weak la.. then i felt very VERY cold, in the normal temperature, sejuk sgt la, tk tau mcmn, then my dear groupmates put their coat on me, baik la dorg =) i closed my eyes as i was crying( ahh man.. kantoi.. haha). i should have lasted la, n fought n should have waken up, but i coudnlt.. i just couldnt.. my head was on the table... my hands and leg was shivering.. i coult only hear and see.. and barely speak. i was weak, and couldnt do much.

"Skoraya pamosh?(ambulance?)" said my curator.
that time i just could say da(yes), without even knowing what does the word means. later on, the ambulance came. pebende la dorg ni nk dtg sebok je haha. i mean, i'm glad that they came la, very glad. at first they asked la whats my name, while slapping me.
'' kak tibia zavut?"
dorg macam tk tau la pula, nk juga tanya orang sakit, tanya orang lain takleh ke sheesh hehe. maybe it was a procedure.. n i patut stop sangka buruk.. haiyaa. lepas that, they put ammonia to my nose, that thing mmg dangerous la, sakit tau, i inhaled it, and felt the painfull sensation down my throat. i thought that cecair at that time which i didnt know what it is was supposed to make me feel unconscious. so i stopped breathing.. n almost lost my breath. that time.. i imagined death.. after that, i saw my former lecturer, Olga Nikalaevna, i was glad to see her, very glad, she held my weak hands *ooppss...* hehe
then, they carried my body down on the mat which is bentanged on the floor. Then they carriedme to the ambulance. i was freezing cold at that time, lagi2 when they exitd the university's door, into the ambulance. mmg sejuk, hanya Tuhan yang tahu.
In the ambulance kn, i felt like dropping, ye la, dah driver dia bawak mcm pro haha no la. i meant kn kene belok sini sana, so rasa nk jatuh la. In the ambulance, i begged for His forgiveness for the sins that i did, hanya mampu berdoa.
as i arrived at the hospital.. i barely told the nurse i was weak and cold.. and the nurse kind of PERLI me.it okay if main2, but this is too much. those of u in Malaysia, be thankful la. my heart went from heart broken, to berkecai into pieces. ini dugaan kan, nk buat mcmn. mampu diam je la.
Then, i went into the doctors room, while entering on the trotil(troli + katil) i heard their perbincangan.
"atkuda on?(dia dari mana?)"
"iz malaizii(dari Malaysia)"
"Malayzii? gdea?(Malaysia? kat mana tu?)"
"v afrikie(kat Afrika)"
mmg kalau ada sliper mmg nk campak je la kat dia haha. tk la.

then, the doctor tanya me questions tau, n then i answered la.
Then.. ur.. malunya nk cerita this part, okay here goes. Then, the nurse took off all my clothes tau, mmg my maruah diri tercalar bafaikn handset tercalar apabila diseret atas tar jalan. but at least lepas dia tarik my baju without perasaan dia cover me with a selimut, so okay lagi la. then, they roll me into the ISEEYOU(ICU) room mmg psycho la, lagi2 dgn nama dia, takleh ke letak nama *ICdoctor ke *ICUCIC ke.. dont know what that means. thats the first part, the name ICU, the second part is when i entered the room, my mind went into thinking that i am going to be post mortemed, that they r going to belah me, n take my organs out, psycho u know sheesh. hurm. then, the nurse rolled me next to the katil, u know how tudung saji ditarik oleh orang yang sangat lapar, begitu la selimut saya ditarik.stop. Pada waktu itu, saya berasa sangat malu. stop. tadi kata maruah tercalar bagaikan handset di seretkan? ha ni maruah musnah bagaikan handset dilanggar kereta dan hancur musnah. Then, i had to change katil.. from trotil to katil. Masa tukar katil, the nurse pake me pakai PAMPERS.. lama tak pakai.. rindu betul hahah. errr ye la dia ambil semua bau n bagi pakai pampers. pakai ni mcm.. rasa macam bagaikan serpihan2 handset yg dicalar dan dilanggar, kali ni rasa mcm serpihan2 kene lenyek dgn mesin perata jalan tar. hehe.

Masa baru tukar katil perbualan ni berlaku
sy:"gdea tualiet?(mana toilet, tak tahan ni)"
dia:"nietu(sini takde toilet, sorry sket)"

lepas tu, rasa mcm arrghhhh haha. mmg klau dok icu ni seminggu, mmg tk nk buang air besar. waktu tu nurse bagi botol.. so saya pun.. umm.. takpe la carry on.
That night kan, i was kind of culture shocked la seeing old sick ladies kene marah with no good reason at all, dah la tgh sakit, lepas tu nurse boleh marah, mmg tak tau la nk kata apa. rasa terharu la.
That time, i was feeling hungry. Andthen, i started to feel sorry, because i never realise how lucky i am, on a bed, lying on a soft bed with a selimut to cover my body and to recover my maruah, while those poor people in Palestin, in Iraq, takde makanan, pakaian takde, sakit takde, why should i rasa kesiankan myself, when all of the other people lagi teruk nasib dia. i should be very thankful. i was very hungry at that time, but what kind of selfish human am i kalau i pentingkan diri sendiri. i just lay there. Tuhan Maha Pemurah, the nurse sent some porridge. i finished it all though i am hungry. That time i just prayed and prayed, and hope for HIs forgiveness. memang tersiksa la waktu tu.. tapi ni baru dunia, belum AKHIRAT LAGI. i rested the whole night. I told the nurse "I NAKK BALIIKKKKK" but she didnt let la. i prayed:

"Ya ALLAH, matikanlah aku sekiranya mati itu lebih baik dari hidup" i serahkan everything to ALLAH.

After that, 3 orang nurse datang, i was like what the hanger is this?, sorg nurse to pegang me andasked me to baring like mcm embryo. i did la. and then then, she took my air tulang belakang, lumbar puncture. sakit tu i didnt know, because i didnt want to know. dah waktu tu igt nak mati dah. then i rested until the next day. the next morning, i felt better, i had to fake that i'm feeling better so that i could escape from the hospital.. but couldnt. mungkin ditakdirkan hidup disini buat sementara. After i saw the doctor, i was transferred to a nicer ward, where i met russians. happy sikit la walaupun hanya *berpampers(ye la takkan nak tulis *hanya tak berbaju)hehe. sini, sangat cantik, ada toilet, friendly russians.

i lied down n covered my cold body with the blanket,... wondering when can i graduate from the hospital. then... i saw two seniors came, n gave me biskut. at first malu2 pastu makan juga.. orang lapar kan =) memang langsung tak expect.. i was happy like a fat boy getting a lollipop, i always feel that way when people come to visit me. Those of you reading and have visited me, i would like to really thank you so much, and thanks for bringing all the foods,thanks to my batch mate, especially Khai, n JenFai, thanks Endy for visiting , calling n everything, thanks Fadhlin for the card, care and love u showed, i owe ou guys a LOT thanks seniors especially abg Ramdhan, akak Yana, and everyone la. May Allah bless all of you, may He murahkan rezeki for all of you. i feel very happy, and very thankful to ALLAH, He gave me everything.

I stayed in the hospital for about a week. i kacaued the nurse, made new friends, and kept one, nama dia Alexey.. i loved staying in the hotel(hospital) i learnt aa lot of islamic knowledges from the Qur'an. banyak bende yang baru sedar. lastly, i would like to igtkan what Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. said, to myself, and everyone: "I am a servant of Allah; i eat like a servant; sit like a servant; and walk like a servant" prophet Muhammad.
This experience teaches me how lucky i am, how lucky i am to wear clothes, and not n@ked, how lucky am i to be able to sit stand, smile, and not paralyzed, how lucky i am to be able to breathe, and still alive, Alhamdulillah. i have been given a second chance of life.. i'm thankful i can still talk to my parents, see my friends and everyone. Allah has given me a chance, and i believe the same chance to all of us, to still keep on living, and carry on our lives. Allah has given us all, but the thing is.. we r not thankful enough. how many of us say alhamdulillah whenever we can talk walk see feel eat smile, this teguran is meant for me, and for other people who wants to be improved. segala yang baik itu datang dari Allah, dan segala yang buruk itu juga datang dari Allah, tapi berlandaskan kekurangan yang ada pada diri saya. thanks for reading, n i'm sorry for not updating for soo long.

to Farhana B, Azhar, Hani, Goh, Munya and everyone ; how are you? kind of miss you guys =)

disudahi dengan wabillahitaufiqwalhidayah assalamualaikum wrbth.